PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
