Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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