Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
