I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
