At least make sure they are 18
Why
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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