bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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