i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
