im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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