paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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