Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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