No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
