I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
