Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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