i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
