I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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