i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
