Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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