You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
