If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
