I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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