i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
