I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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