a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
