I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
