my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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