Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
