I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
