I'm lost and stupid without you.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
