hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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