I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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