Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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