Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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