how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
