I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
