If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who died my cat blue again?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
