Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
