halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
