I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
