Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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