Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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