found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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