TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
