So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
