is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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