normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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