Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
