every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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