yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
