I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
