Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
