you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
