I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
