Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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