My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
