Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
